between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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