I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
