WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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