I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
