umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
