yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
