I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think my moral compass just broke
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
