sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
