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Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
