Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
