It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The ass gains better be worth it
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