how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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