Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
