my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
