I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
