i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
