Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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