Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
