Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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