just tell him i said nine months
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
