Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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