sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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