Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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