I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
