And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
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It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways