ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
