ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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