so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
