apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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