I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
