mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
