I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
smell my finger.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
