I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
