dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
