Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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