Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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