What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
they need to just BURY HIM!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
