Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
