I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cut my penus on the lid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
