oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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