Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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