We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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