NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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