Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
