I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
