return my video game
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
