can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Congratulations! We have a period
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