College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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