he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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