oh god the rape fog is back!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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