I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I touched a dick in church today
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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