I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
