just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
