oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize