If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
