Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
