Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
