I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
