Welp...herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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