I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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