Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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