I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
