I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
